guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Alive.
So much puke
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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