hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
