She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
