Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize