4 words: hood of his car
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
