HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
