I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
