My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize