take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
