This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
