Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Damn victory sex feels great
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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