Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
