Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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