Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
