there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
