KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
