im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
