I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
