Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
