He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Randomize
