no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize