Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize