he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
