I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
