If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
