is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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