So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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