Pappa wants mamma naked
It's never too late to be topless.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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