Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
