its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
