so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
