currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
