She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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