i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This baby is an asshole
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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