Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
