can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
