Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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