I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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