I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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