YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize