guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
