Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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