Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
