You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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