ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
