She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
