WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
