are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
