I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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