when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
