Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
