please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
