its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize