i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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