I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
