Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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