Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
