wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
