My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
