Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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