grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
