eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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