she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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