I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
