my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
