When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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