Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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