So drunk, too bad you don't want this
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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