She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize