Define "chronic" masturbator.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You took a bar mat shot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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