Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
