It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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