My first STD was from a foam party
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
