Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
