Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize