yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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