I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
