According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
