We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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