we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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