And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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