My liver just broke up with me...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
