my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
