Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
