she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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