Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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